| U of A newspaper App |
[03 Jul 2006|06:54pm] |
I know that hardly anybody reads these anymore, but the last post I made and this are my two editorials I'm submitting to U of A's newspaper for consideration to be a columnist. Feedback?
Dear CDC,
I understand that you are all scientists, not English majors, so I’m not trying to be the bad guy here. I’m just a little confused about something you guys say, so I’m simply clarifying. I see what you guys are doing, but I am unsure as to why, so could you explain:
If you don’t tell a kid that he/she is obese, how are you helping them?
I know that the American Medical Association thinks you guys are retarded for not labeling children, but I want to hear your side before I immediately agree with them. If the AMA has their way, their proposal makes it mandatory for doctors to label children as overweight or obese—just like adults. This will ruin your politically correct stance where overweight kids are simply “at risk of overweight”. And I am totally on your side, we shouldn’t actually tell kids that they belong with Shamu in the Pacific, gobbling up brine shrimp like the other whales, because that would hurt their feelings. If we say that they’re at risk of becoming an extra in Free Willy 4: American Youth, they’ll get the message, right?
Well, in a recent article in the AP Medical Writer, you had Trisha Leu, age 17, offer this pearl of wisdom to your case, “[Obese] sounds mean…When you’re young, you don’t understand what obese means. I still don’t understand it.”
[Forward to: Trisha Leu]
Dear Trish,
Are your eyelids too fat to read a dictionary?
o•bese adj. extremely fat, grossly overweight (Courtesy: dictionary.com)
Love, A Thin Person
[End forward]
We are the fattest country in the world, and that is a tired statistic; one that we could easily rid ourselves of. However, when 17% of U.S. children are overweight, and 34% are at risk, it makes one wonder why you guys are splitting hairs about this. If you see a Redwood tree, you wouldn’t call it a twig, because if it fell on you, you would die. So the same, goes for a child, except this time, it’s their health. You are not helping them by lying to them about their weight. You do anyone a disservice by saying that they are simply at risk. Technically, I’m at risk to be struck by a meteorite tomorrow, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. The same goes for these children. They don’t think that it’s going to happen to them, and you have an obligation as doctors to tell them exactly what is happening to their bodies.
Doctors don’t have to tell children that they look like Augustus Gloop; there is no need for hyperbole or exaggeration. However, doctors need to be honest with their patients, because we, as a country, have a serious weight problem, and we cannot shy away from telling our youth that they have the power.
We teach kids everyday to not use drugs and to practice safe sex, because we care about their health, yet heart disease, the leading cause of death in America, is usually caused by a poor nutritional lifestyle. Is it so crazy to tell our kids that they need to hit the Stairmaster and eat healthier? We tell them to look both ways before crossing the street and to buckle their seat belts, but we don’t care that they crossed the 200-lb. threshold and their belt no longer fits. By ignoring the truth, by lying to our loved ones, and by endangering our future, we condemn ourselves to prisons of ignorance. Telling the straight story will set us free.
Love Always, Zach D. Smith
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[01 Jul 2006|04:53pm] |
Dear Bill Frist,
Is this a joke? Did you forget that this isn’t East Berlin? Have you been free-basing again? Did the guy from Silence of the Lambs kill you and start wearing your skin?
Or are you just an idiot?
To properly answer this question, we go back to your youth. When in medical school, you improperly obtained furry kitties from the shelter under the pretense of adoption and killed them at night. You claimed these were studies. Look Bill, we’ve all been there man. We’ve all killed soft, innocent, homeless creatures. It’s only natural to want to experiment. It’s part of growing up, Bill. We just don’t admit it because it makes us look evil.
But that was surely an isolated incident, as you are a beacon of truth, justice, and the American way. That’s why you supported the flag-burning amendment, isn’t it? You support the flag, the flag stands for truth, justice, and the American way; ergo you would never do something immoral, and you would certainly never lie to the Senate using your medical history as a basis for your expertise.
In 2005, you watched a videotape of Terri Schiavo for an hour or so in your office and, from this tape, told the Senate that she clearly responded to visual stimuli, and that the physicians standing right next to her had erred in their diagnosis and were not only retarded, but high on mescaline during the several months they had spent with her. Bill, I was totally with you on this one too man. I know where you’re coming from. Whenever radical advocacy groups send me their edited footage of a vegetable I always watch it. And I got that tape from them too. And you’re right man, she did respond. I just didn’t say anything because I’m not a neurosurgeon, just like you. I’m glad I didn’t say anything either, because when they performed the autopsy and it turned out she was blind…whew, I would have looked stupid if I had said that a blind woman could see.
And this is why you support the flag-burning amendment Bill, because it’s not important whether or not we resolve the issues surrounding animal cruelty or euthanasia so long as there are nefarious villains out there who would burn that sacred flag. Thank you Bill Frist for teaching me that we don’t need to put an end to animal cruelty because if they’re in a shelter, nobody cares about them; just like orphanages. You also taught me that nobody cares about euthanasia except Oregon, and nobody cares what Oregon has to say in Washington because they’re 25% atheist and atheists have no sense of morals or ethics. I am in awe, as you were so visionary to push for a limit on speech. We wouldn’t want to limit politicians giving false testimony about medical issues to Senate, but we sure as hell don’t want someone burning Old Glory, the symbol of honor, virtue, and patriotism.
Because if the flag stands for men like you, true patriots, who would ever want to burn one?
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[05 May 2006|01:41pm] |
Today I was in a situation so far-fetched and comical, that looking back, it may be a rather funny event. However, at this point in my life, it is simply upsetting and vexing that something so asinine could ever happen to me. TO ME! I was voted BIGGEST FLIRT AT CORONA!!! I'm borderline goddamned royalty, and this shit happens?!?!?!
So I'm in Centanni's class minding my own business, being my unusual, pleasant self because we harrassed her enough yesterday, when out of the fucking blue, Centanni starts in with the following buttfuck of a conversation:
Centanni: Voltaire intended for people to read Candide in one sitting, I however, know of only one person who has ever read it in one sitting, that is my mother....
(She then told a shitty, funny-only-to-her story about her mom not enjoying Candide and always bringing it up as the "really terrible book that she didn't wanna discuss". Yep, it was that unfunny. However, all the while I am trying to remember whether I have read Candide in one sitting six or seven times)
Me: Well, Candide is a really quick read, it's only like an hour read. (Notice I said like an hour.)
Centanni: I don't think this is an hour read.
Me: It is if you read it in one sitting.
Centanni: I....Well....I don't think so.
She then returns to talking about fuckever, I don't care at this point because I am seething. Why would she doubt me being able to read a book that without pictures is about 70 pages long and really fucking easy. That is "like an hour read". What the fuck did she think I was trying to do, impress chicks?
Me: Hey, I can read 70 pages in an hour.
Slutty Chick Reading The Dictionary: God, I want you in me. Let's go fuck in the library.
What the fuck Justine?!?!? Why would I bullshit about how long it takes me to read a book?!?!? You're the goddamned English teacher, you should know that some people read faster than others and vice versa. And if Voltaire intended for you to read Candide in one sitting, why the fuck haven't you?!?!! You fucking teach the book every year, shouldn't you be an expert on it?!?!??!
I have nothing else really. Words aren't getting across my frustration at the sheer fatuity that had to go into an English teacher's mind telling a kid that he's lying about how fast he reads one of his favorite books ever.
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| Updates I, II, and IV |
[09 Mar 2006|03:25pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Cardinal Sin |
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Today I start working at Angel Sweet. Props to Lauren and Erin for getting me the job.
I finished reading "Thank You For Smoking". God, what a funny book. Highly recommended to all except people without senses of humor, because they will be shocked by the moral vacuum within the book.
I'm beginning "We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families". After TYFS I wanted something a little stiffer.
Felt like you should all know.
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[27 Feb 2006|05:44pm] |
Cold Stone interview at 7:00.
Just imagine me scooping people's ice cream.
EDIT: That was easy.
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| Bath Of Blood |
[12 Feb 2006|02:53pm] |
The five largest arms dealers are China, France, Russia, U.K., and U.S.A.
These are also the five permanent members on the UN Security Council.
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| Everyone has a fuck entry....mine's positive |
[06 Jan 2006|12:05am] |
Fuck cancer.
Fuck AIDS.
Fuck poverty.
Fuck hunger.
Fuck despair.
Fuck greed.
Fuck pride.
Fuck indecision.
Fuck fear.
Fuck apathy.
Fuck impatience.
Fuck idleness.
Fuck selfishness.
Fuck being hidebound.
Fuck drugs.
Fuck rape.
Fuck murder.
Fuck pedophelia.
Fuck bigotry.
Fuck intolerance.
Fuck stupidity.
Fuck anger.
Fuck lust.
Fuck distrust.
Fuck traitors.
Fuck domestic violence.
Fuck corruption.
Fuck hate.
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| Two-Parter |
[04 Jan 2006|04:33pm] |
My last review was total bullshit. Well, Cool Hand Luke does kick a lot of ass, but I wrote that review as a joke just to get started. Cool Hand Luke is the shit, and everyone should see it because Paul Newman owns in that movie.
Look for the following (serious) reviews in the upcoming weeks:
Heat
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
American History X
L.A. Confidential
Magnolia
Hotel Rwanda
The Professional
Shawshank Redemption
This holiday movie season as far as I'm concerned, has sucked balls. Big porn star balls. To run this bitch down, we have the following fuck-ups:
King Kong: This was a B-movie with A-list actors (sans the abortion that is Jack Black) and A-list special effects ruined by D-class themes. The original was a joke. It was straight up entertainment with no underlying themes. It was complete, unadulterated glee. This version sucks hard because:
A) Every actor doesn't realize that they're in a B-movie about a giant ape. They are all trying to act. They look like fools.
B) Every CGI effect except the monkey sucks. The Empire State Building looked like hell (but the monkey fucking ruled)
C) Everytime there was a serious moment between Naomi Watts and the gorilla that lasted longer than three minutes, I craved the no-frills, wanton film entertainment that was Wedding Crashers
D) The only likable character is the monkey. Everyone else is a cardboard cutout. Who else thought Jack Black seemed like an evil Mustachio kinda guy who would curl his 'stache and sell out his mom?
Yeah, bollocks to that flick.
Harry Potter
Harry Potter Math:
The Book - Everything Good = The Movie
Acting - Being Good = This Movie
Directing - Prowess Outside Of Owl Shots = Mike Newell
The Book > The Movie
Munich
Take a great idea, give it to a great director, great actors, a great writer, and make a completely underachieving movie that asks difficult questions and answers them too easily to be remembered. The entire thought processes of patriotism, family, and fraternity are thrown away so Speilberg can have Bana fuck his wife while thinking about helicopters blowing up (and no, that is not an exaggeration). I wanted to love this movie. I hated how it didn't aspire to be anything more than an open-ended debate. Pick a goddamn side, and make a movie about it. Don't make a two-and-a-half hour flick that cops out by ignoring so many human traits. And make characters that have ideals and morals. Don't make characters who are so black and white. We live in a very gray world.
Brokeback Mountain
I read the book. I loved the book. I was so excited for this movie. I had heard only praise. I saw it today. It spurred on this rant, because it totally screwed up the story. In the movie, you are given two characters who aren't totally likable (Ennis is lazy and Jack is horny). The book has no mention of Mexico prostitution or other men for Jack. The book paints him as a tragic character. The book creates a much more confused Ennis. Ennis should be scared and lost, not a dud. The entire movie, Heath Ledger was forced to play him as a dick to Jack. Jack seems so horny for ass, that he goes to Mexico. Jack isn't horny for ass, Jack wants Ennis' love. It's such a simple story, that Ang Lee got all deep and had to make flawed characters. The only problem, is that they were flawed. Jack was lonely and Ennis was running scared. When you compound this, and make one horny and the other a coward, the sympathy for the characters is gone. I walked out of the movie, thinking "What happened to the characters in the book who were so human, so frail, and so likable?" When you lose compassion in a movie all about love, you've fucked up.
And Ang Lee fucked up.
There you have it. That's my thought on this holiday season.
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| Number One |
[03 Jan 2006|01:47pm] |
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 Cool Handish |
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God Song - Bad Religion |
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I'm going to start writing one movie review every week for a movie that I feel is very important, and that others should see regardless. If you disagree, you're probably wrong. And that's just sad.
Cool Hand Luke
When it comes to films made in the past 50 years, the word "cool" has become such a buzzword with little to no meaning in the description of a character (See: Stifler, Steve). There are a few truly cool characters who would rip out the eyes and skullfuck most of the "cool" characters our generation venerates. Luke Jackson (played by the meanest sonofabitch ever, Paul Newman) is one of those badass motherfuckers.
And before you ask, yes that is a bottle opener on his necklace. Why? Because when Luke isn't cutting heads off of parking meters or eating 50 eggs in one hour
 , he's drinking beer by the bottle like any real man does. Luke is the coolest character ever. Yes, that means he's cooler than John McClane. Yes, he's more badass than Ash. He is even more of a hardass than Neil McCulloch. What makes him so badass?
Luke does not give a fuck. Luke does what he wants, when he wants, for no other reason than he feels like it. Luke is the antithesis of conformity. You're probably saying "big fuck deal". Well, Luke is in a rural prison where he is brutalized by guards and dogs. And he still does not give a shit. Now that is hard.
Luke's buddy Dragline (played by George Kennedy who won an Oscar for this flick) says crazy wicked cool shit like "He's a natural born world shaker" and "You crazy handful of nothin'" But he's still not as hard as Luke. The two badasses box in jail, and after getting his shit handed to him by Dragline, Luke gets up and tells Drag he's gotta kill him. Luke gets ruined all over the place again, but struggles back up yet again.
So since Luke kicks so much ass, his nemesis must be hard as a con tittyfucking Briana Banks. Thus, Strother Martin as Captain. He's so mean than he doesn't say "sonofabitch", he says "sumbitch". Goddamn that's fucked up. So Strother Martin chases Luke with dogs, chains him up, puts him in a box, and beats him senseless. He makes Luke dig and refill a six foot hole. But Luke just says "Yeah, well, you're a dick so fuck you." And Luke does what he damn well pleases.
Cool Hand Luke is without a doubt the coolest movie ever. It makes Pulp Fiction look like Driving Miss Daisy. It's touching, profound, and all-around enjoyable. Paul Newman got assrobbed for the Oscar, and the movie got snubbed by the Academy, but time has been very good to this movie, it's still as relevant as it once was. The themes held by Luke will always mean something to anyone who thinks against the grain.
To close with a quote:
[Luke has just won a game of poker on a bluff]
Dragline: Nothin'. A handful of nothin'. You stupid mullet head. He beat you with nothin'. Just like today when he kept comin' back at me - with nothin'.
Luke: Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
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| In Memorium |
[11 Dec 2005|09:09pm] |
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music |
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Plainsong - The Cure |
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Lenny Bruce (October 13, 1925 – August 3, 1966)
Bill Hicks (December 16, 1961 – February 26, 1994)
Richard Pryor (December 1, 1940 – December 10, 2005)
God's getting really fucking jealous of us down here...George Carlin's next.
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[26 Oct 2005|08:26pm] |
I got accepted to U of A.
They're giving me 3 grand a semester.
That's tuition plus a grand.
It's so on.
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| The Truth. |
[11 Oct 2005|10:08pm] |
Do you ever have a moment in time where you have to step back and try to figure out whether or not you're dreaming, because the moment is so fantastically fucked that you can not even fathom it actually being reality?
Well, I did, and it involved my great-aunt (also my godmother).
Background: she lives in Alabama. She is not only a flaming racist, but she is a holier-than-thou Catholic who believes that if you are not Catholic, you ought to be stabbed in the knee and forced to play basketball until you fucking expire.
Also Background: I am a heterosexual male. (This will be important to know later)
My great-aunt is railing on my mom the other day for the following things:
*Me having "love wounds" on my neck
*Me swearing
*Me watching R-rated movies
*My sister having a Mormon boyfriend (and coincidentally being of the Mormon faith)
*Me not going to Catholic church
*Me sticking up for gay priests
She is saying the kind of inane bullshit that only an undereducated racist bigot could formulate.
Examples:
"You know that the reason that your son has fallen off the path is because you stopped going to Catholic church. That choice has led to his downfall."
"You shouldn't allow your son to see Crash. It portrays Whites in a negative light; as well as containing the f-word. The f-word is what's bringing down the world. Every problem could be solved if the f-word was no longer used."
"You need to forbid your daughter from seeing her boyfriend and going to Mormon church. It is ruining her soul."
"You can't allow your son to have a girlfriend, because she will only tempt him to commit sins againsth the Father."
"You have set a poor example for your children, and they will suffer eternally for your sins."
But none of that matters. That is foreplay compared to this mindfuck that she sets up. She's talking with my mom about why I don't go to Catholic church. If you want a reason here goes...I believe in faith, not in religion. I believe in God, but not church. I believe in prayer, but not sermons. I believe that my beliefs should be my terms. Plus Catholicism had a couple fucked up values that I didn't dig on, so I bailed. That is why I stopped going to Catholic church. My great-aunt has an alternate theory:
Aunt: "So why did you stop taking Zach to Catholic church?"
Mom: "He stopped wanting to go. It was his choice, and I respect that."
Aunt: "You should have forced him."
Mom: "I don't believe in forcing my children to do anything."
Aunt: "He needs the Lord's discipline."
Mom: "Zach didn't like the persecution going on in the Catholic church."
Aunt: "What persecution?"
Mom: "Of gays."
Aunt: "Maybe the reason he didn't like it, was because he was gay."
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| Music Throwdown |
[28 Sep 2005|02:48pm] |
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mood |
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 Groovin' |
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music |
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Holy Smoke (live)ty Mighty Bosstones |
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This is my music throwdown. It's going to be me throwing down names of my favorite bands/cd's. If you haven't listened to them, I highly recommend. I'm gonna group them by genre, solely because it makes life easier for those who haven't heard of them. Feel free to throw down your faves as well. Enjoy suckers.
Cello Rock
Cursive - Domestica. The rest of Cursive's shit is very much arty farty and while I dig some of it, this cd is 100% pure kickass.
Murder By Death - Who Will Be Survive And What Will Be Left Of Them. I listen to this and it makes me want to rob banks, drink whiskey, and talk to Satan. And if you know me, this is all good.
Classic Rock
The Beatles - The Entire Fuckin Discography. I swear to God I have their whole discography and can't complain about any of it. Please listen to more than their hits. They really were as great as the hype.
Billy Joel - The man was a more badass Elton John. Listen to shit like "Captain Jack", "We Didn't Start The Fire", "Keepin' The Faith", and "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant" for proof.
Boston - Their first two records were damn good......then suckage
The Cars - Complete Greatest Hits (These guys make all the moog bands of today look like glamorous trendy ripoffs of true musicianship.......oh wait.....)
Eagles - One of the best bands ever. What Beatles did for rock, these guys did for country; and I fuckin' hate country.
Journey - Greatest Hits (guilty pleasure. See also: STYX)
Led Zeppelin - Everything I said about the Beatles goes double for these guys. Even "Coda" is amazing.
Pixies - Fuck you, they're classic. And no best of will show you their talent.
Queen - Make a mix, because they're so hit or miss; but their hits were fucking amazing.
Rolling Stones - 40 Licks. It's everything you need.
STYX - (See also: Journey) "Renegade" fucking kills.
The Who - The Who Ultimate Collection is a damn good collection, but I hear the rest of their discography is killer.
Funk Rock
Head Automatica - Decadence. Not only is Palombo [sic] a total badass for singing with Crohn's disease and risking his life, this cd is just FUN!!!!!
Incubus - S.C.I.E.N.C.E. Make Yourself and Enjoy Incubus are great. Everything else is OVERRATED SHIT! <----hostility
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Personally, I think they're horribly overrated because I only like their Greatest Hits. Everything else just doesn't groove the same way. They're so talented and yet so sloppy with their records.
Guitar-Driven Rock (Nebulous I know, so sue me)
Brand New - Deja Entendu. I sing this very loudly and without an ounce of shame.
Foo Fighters - Colour and the Shape. Goddamn anyone who can't find enjoyment rocking out to this.
Jimmy Eat World - Discography. And their new EP is bitchin' too. They're the one sugary-sweet pop group that I really dig. It's just hard to dislike them for me.
Northstar - Pollyanna and Is This Thing Loaded? So sad that they broke up after only two cd's. They were super fun and incredibly talented. They did the same thing as a lot of other bands, but they did it right. (Think Taking Back Sunday's first cd fused with Brand New's second cd and a lot harder....fuck yeah)
Park - It Won't Snow Where You Are Going. Northstar's equal. Doing the whole double guitar, double vocal, slightly angsty lyrics with predictable break-downs......but really good.
Rocket From The Crypt - Scream, Dracula, Scream. There is no equal and no description. Rock n roll with horns: straight up bitches. No gimmicks, just fucking slaying.
Say Anything - Both cd's are very good, but the lyrics are almost always overly pretentious. So if you can get over the phoniness of the lyrics, their music is a little off the beaten path but still accessible.
Somerset - Pandora. Best new band.
Third Eye Blind - Self-titled. It never gets old.
Hardcore
Bear vs. Shark - Both cd's are amazing!!!! Great band really. Great singer with original (not shitty) voice and cool breakdowns and melodies but totally listenable and a little jazzy even.
Dillinger Escape Plan - Miss Machinery. Hard, hard, hard; without taking itself too seriously.
Fear Before The March Of Flames - Both cd's are great. These guys make it look easy to scream your head off, shred guitar, and not sound repetitious. Props to the originality in a dead genre.
Finch - What It Is To Burn. Ok, not hardcore. Not that great either. But really fun! :)
From First To Last - Dear Diary.... So much better than you'd think. They're terribly original with their melodies, but their singer's voice is a little cringe-worthy. Your call.
Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower - Dissertation, Honey. Jazzy noise rock. It's love-or-hate, but I love.
Thrice - Everything they have ever written (except their new single which really worries me) is brutally amazing. Even their radio songs off Artist were really well done. This is the best guitar work currently and the drumming is solid too.
Vaux - Both cd's are great, but the middle tracks of Plague Music suck. These guys are what Blood Brothers would sound like minus the annoying vocals. So they fucking rule the arty hardcore genre.
Low-fi Rock
Apollo Sunshine - Katonah. Poppy steel guitar jamming band. Yeah.
Arcade Fire - Funeral. Not worthy of the extreme hype, but still a damn good cd.
Beck - Everything. The man is a genius through and through, never repeating himself through like seven cd's. Who else can make that claim?
Coldplay - All three full-lengths are staples in my life. They are better than U2. Yeah I said it.
Death Cab - Photo Album and Transatlanticism help me when I'm writing, but this band is terribly overrated.
Dogs Die In Hot Cars - Please Describe Yourself. A British pop band with a Moog. They're more fun than Apollo Sunshine and better than Death Cab.
Elliott Smith - Self-titled. ONLY IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED OR VERY VERY STRONG!!!! WARNING THIS GUY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT!!!!!
Good Life - Black Out and Album of the Year. Tim Kasher = Second coming of Jesus.
Keane - Hopes and Fears. Better than people say. They're much more than Coldplay-lite.
Limbeck - Both cd's are great. I see these guys as a slightly whiney, less musical Eagles. And that's really ok with me.
Minus The Bear - BUY EVERYTHING THESE GUYS HAVE RELEASED!!!! They're one of the best bands going around right now and they're getting better. October 11 at the Clubhouse.
Neutral Milk Hotel - In The Aeroplane Over The Sea. Classic.
New Amsterdams - Para Toda Vida and Worse For The Wear are great acoustic cd's with solid melodies. Don't get Never You Mind; it blows.
Postal Service - Give Up. They can do so muhc better than "Such Great Heights". For proof, listen to "Clark Gable".
Radiohead - OK Computer and The Bends are great for background, but I don't think Radiohead is as great as the world makes them out to be.
Snow Patrol - Final Straw. Hasn't really left my mind since it came out. It's one of the better cd's of the past five years.
Spill Canvas - Both cd's are "good". They're very typical and very predictable; but also very very enjoyable and sing-along worthy.
Ted Leo And The Pharmacists - Everything that bears this name is gold. This is what music should be like.
Travis - Their Singles collection is good, but missing a lot. And their full lengths have a lot of filler. So I don't have any advice other than to listen to it all and decide what you like, because their hits are amazing.
Moog Assault Rock
Facing New York - Most underrated band of the current day. Their entire ctaalogue is great, even their shit off Amity Split is rockin'.
Get Up Kids - Everything but Eudora and Four Minute Mile are very enjoyable. But the Get Up Kids do have a tendency to grind on the eardrums.
Jealous Sound - Kill Them With Kindness. One of the better mixes of guitar and keys.
Koufax - Their entirediscography is very amazing. Their key work on the newest cd is flawless.
Melee - Everyday Behavior. Poppy and infectious, without the guilt.
Motion City Soundtrack - Everything, including the Back to the Beat EP is great, with "Capital H" on BTTB EP being Top 5 songs of all time.
Piano Rock
Elliott - False Cathedrals. Not as depressing as Elliott Smith, but close. But also better.
Jack's Mannequin - Everything In Transit. I know it's the guy from So Co and I know the lyrics suck asssssss. But it's infectious as fuck.
Muse - Absolution and Origin Of Symmetry. Two great cd's that really showcase how underrated this band is. The title of Radiohead-lite is such horseshit.
World Leader Pretend - Punches. This is not like anything else on a major label. This is a grungy New Orleans voice over soft piano and great jazzy guitar. You will fall in love.
Punk Rock
A Wilhelm Scream - Ruiner and Mute Print. This is gonna rip off your fucking arms unless you're prepared.
Listen to "The Rip" "Me Vs. Morrissey" and "The Soft Sell" in any order. It will wipe your ass with your face.
AFI - Black Sails In The Sunset and Sing The Sorrow. They are surprisingly better than "Girl's Not Grey" wants you to think.
Alkaline Trio - Entire discography. For being three guys, they are an amazing band because there is no denying the talented structure of their songs. Sadly, their lyrics do get a little cliche, but it's forgivable; still one of my favorite bands.
Ataris - Blue Skies, Broken Hearts, Next 12 Exits and End Is Forever. This is what Blink 182 wanted to be.
Green Day - Dookie and Nimrod. Everything else is either overrated or really piss poor. Those however are two great cd's.
Lawrence Arms - Apathy & Exhaustion, Cocktails & Dreams, and The Greatest Story Ever Told. Worth the hype they get on www.punknews.org They really are that great. Get these cd's NOW!!!!
Moneen - Are We Really Happy With Who We Are Right Now. They do a great job of being a punk Tool.
Rancid - And Out Come The Wolves and Indestructable. No I swear to God, they're better than you remember in 8th grade.
Refused - Shape Of Punk To Come: A Chimerical Bombation In 12 Blasts. Close to hardcore, but it's just epic, screaming, experimental punk.
Rise Against - Everything these guys have released is amazing, except "Swing Life Away" which is good but not for these guys. Their talent is not displayed by that song. Listen to "Blood Red White and Blue" and "Reception Fades".
Strike Anywhere - Exit English and Change Is A Sound. These guys are soooooo good. I sound like a 12 year old when I talk about them, because they're sooooooooo good.
Strung Out - Exile In Oblivion. Great technical punk rock, and their old shit is great too, but it's really hit or miss. This is a flawless cd.
Suicide Machines - Match And Some Gasoline, Destruction By Definition, and War Profiteering Is Killing Us All. Simplistic ska-punk-hardcore, but so applicable without sounding pretentious.
Ska
Bandits Of The Acoustic Revolution - A Call To Arms. (See:Streetlight Manifesto)
Big D & The Kid's Table - Good Luck and How It Goes. "L.A.X." is the song of my high school experience. It is perfect.
Catch-22 - Keasbey Nights (See: Streetlight Manifesto)
Codename:Rocky - Infinity and No Time To Waste. It's a shame they broke up, because they were helping keep ska alive. Great horn section.
Less Than Jake - Every album but the new remixes. It doesn't even phase me that they tour with Allister and the like. They can do whatever they fucking please.
Mad Caddies - Just One More. Best horn section in current ska. "Villains"
Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Buy every goddamn cd by these masters. Bosstones are my favorite band through and through. I love them so much I have to stop talking or this will become even more long and drawn out.
Reel Big Fish - All their cd's have stand outs and sell outs. We'll leave it at that.
RX Bandits - Halfway..., Progress, and Resignation. Resignation is overrated and Progress severely underrated. All are great, but Progress is one of my top five cd's of all time. It's so advanced and....perfect.
Streetlight Manifesto - Everything Tomas touches is gold. They have potential to be the best ska band ever. Too bad Tomas is fickle as fuck.
Stoner Rock (Not like pot.....go to stonerrock.com for an explanation)
Eagles Of Death Metal - Peace Love Death Metal. Very fun side project of......
Queens Of The Stone Age - Song For The Deaf. Josh Homme is a grunge god. Both of these bands are so much fun to drive to.
Sorry that was long as fuck. I'm not lj-cutting it either. Groove on.
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[26 Sep 2005|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Quicksand - Travis |
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So with eminent domain, seperation of church and state, and gay marriage storming their way through the headlines, is anybody else worried at the lack of interest in O'Connor's replacement?
It seems to me that nobody is that interested in it, and I mean NOBODY(!!!!!!!):
Media
Washington
Legislatures
Personally, it's enough to give me a fuckin' ulcer.
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[20 Sep 2005|05:35pm] |
For too long have I taken people for granted. For the longest time I've put myself ahead of everyone else and thought that I'm, for some reason, greater than the rest of you, or that I deserve more.
I am a self-proclaimed asshole; a narcissistic bastard who derives joy from cutting people down, while building others up. I am a walking contradiction, solely because I believe that I have the final say on how people should be treated, but refuse to believe that I deserve less than the best.
I want to deserve the friendships and relationships that fill my life. I don't want this to come out like I'm depressed or hard on myself, because I know how pathetic that sounds. I just want you guys to know that I don't show you all enough appreciation.
You guys all comprise to make me the happiest guy I know. I walk around with a shit-eating grin 24/7 and have already given myself glee wrinkles because I can't stop smiling. I never find myself complaining about the people I surround myself with, and don't ever foresee it happening. If you are a part of my life, it is because I love your company; if you think I'm referring to you when I say I don't show you enough appreciation, you're completely right. I want you guys to know that I wouldn't trade this life for anything, and I wouldn't give up our time together for another day on this rock.
If I died tomorrow, I'd want you all to know that you have made my life perfect in all aspects.
Here's lookin' at you kids.
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| Blame Game |
[13 Sep 2005|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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 Fuck You Ray |
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music |
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Everlong |
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When asked about his decision to send 60% of the New Orleans police dept. to Vegas for some R&R Ray Nagin replied with, "New Orleans is a party city. Get over it."
Fuck you Ray. Fuck you.
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| Necessity |
[12 Sep 2005|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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 WTF??? |
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music |
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Your Gravest Words - Larry Arms |
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Picture the following:
You're sitting on the couch in your boxers, watching The Daily Show, basking in the happiness that the FEMA director resigning gives you, while eating Rocky Road ice cream. You are God at this moment.
Then suddenly, disaster strikes!
You're watching the commercials absentmindedly when all of a sudden your brain is raped by the phrase "2006 Jetta complete with Pedestrian Safety Shield".
Only the Germans would make a Pedestrian Safety Shield.
Why in the once-holy name of God would you need a Pedestrian Safety Shield? Please, if there is a God, pray to Him that He may answer this question. Of what good is a Pedestrian Safety Shield? If you hit a person going 60 mph, it doesn't matter if you're driving a Jetta coated with tapioca pudding; that guy's shit is gonna be ruined all over your car.
I got curious however, and tried to find a picture of what this Pedestrian Safety Shield loked like. It is only on the 2006 model, so I pulled up pictures of the 2005 and 2006 models to compare.
2005 model
2006 model
Yeah, they look the same to me too.
Now, if you have to say to the dealer "I really need something that shields my car from pedestrians," don't buy a car; buy a kiddie pool, two 40's of vodka, and drown your ass, because your genes aren't needed in this world. If you plan on hitting pedestrians and think you need to shield your car from the dents that their femur is going leave on your hood, buy a bike instead, because you are thrice-fucked in the head you sick bastard.
The worst part about all of this, is that it took a Volkswagen Jetta (the girliest car along with a Passat) to implement this. There are still Hummers, F-450's, and Suburbans driving around without these Pedestrian Safety Shields. The makers of the wheeled Estrogen Wagon thought this up. And people are going to think it's a perk. It's not a perk, it's a sign of the Apocalypse! It shocks me to think that people would actually pitch a Pedestrian Safety Shield to the executives. How can you protect a pedestrian from a massive, speeding object that outweighs them 100:1??? That's like wrapping aluminum foil around yourself and jumping into a shark tank.
So here's what I would like to suggest to Hitler, Inc:
Stand on a red X painted onto the ground. Have a 2006 Jetta drive at you going 45 mph. After the Pedestrian Safety Shield gently taps you, measure in centimeters the distance you are from the X. If it is less than 1,000 cm (or 10 meters), I will buy 1,000 Jettas.
Or you could just shove your Pedestrian Safety Shield up your ass; how about that fuckmook?
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| Be Jealous |
[06 Sep 2005|09:36pm] |
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music |
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Night Drive - JEW |
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Me: Dating me is an adventure.
Natalie: No shit.
If that's not love, I don't wanna know what is.
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| Buckle Up Motherfuckers |
[02 Sep 2005|10:45pm] |
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music |
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Colorblind - Say Anything |
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So those of you who were at the football game tonight, you must know that Matt Brandon and I are determined. This is not going to be half-assed; this is not one of our schemes that we give up on. This is very, very serious.
For those of you who weren't there:
They fucked with the wrong guys, and everyone's going to get to watch the fireworks.
We currently have about 130 signatures, with no reason to slow down. Whether or not we succeed, Corona is not going to be the same. This isn't me on a power trip, or me letting small successes going to my head. This is me determined to show the world that my attitude towards authority sometimes allows for the advancement of our school.
Anyone can be a rebel, I wanna be a revolutionary.
EDIT: Matt and I were asked to put shirts on instead of body paint. We were told body paint was no longer allowed at football games. We asked Nero when the rule came into effect and he said "About 10 minutes ago." So we went home, put on shirts and ties, and came back with a petition.
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| Justice |
[26 Aug 2005|05:16pm] |
Today was Woman's Equality Day.
There you got your one, we get the other 364.
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| Like Mike |
[25 Aug 2005|08:07pm] |
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mood |
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 Optimistic |
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music |
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Best Wishes... - LTJ |
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There's such a huge push for us to figure out what we want, we never learn to even want it.
Personally, I'd rather have the drive than the direction.
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| Gangsta Gangsta |
[20 Aug 2005|11:02am] |
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music |
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Straight Outta Compton |
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This was our Friday night:
Friday night entailed:
Chandler Mall- Where we were pointed out, stared at, stared down, menaced by six black men, offered jobs at A&F, offered jobs working together and making our own schedules at A&F, hit on in A&F, talked to by a Hollister clerk about how judgemental people are based on clothing styles, carefully watched by security guards, etc. I wanted to go into Puppies n Love and ask for a "mean dog that I could train for the dog fights" but sadly a small girl that goes to Matt's pool was inside. We do have some semblance of consciences it seems.
Angel Sweet- I don't know how it turned out. Marrujo has to tell me. But it was off the hizzy if you catch my drift.
Chris Pham's- Bunch of drunk kids get all ready to fight us as we approach. We talk for about 5 minutes then depart.
Tempe Cinemas- Max Weiland.
We then changed back into street clothes to work on our "film". We thought filming a dark chase scene with a brutal axe murder at the end was necessary. We filmed me jumping from my balcony, Matt chasing me with an axe, and the subsequent chase. We felt that bloopers were needed however, and decided to plan them. Somehow we fucked this up. I first demonstrated how I planned to fall and fucked up my leg with a giant bruise. Then, with the camera rolling, I ate mad shit and Matt did not follow. Rather, he stood and asked "Do I go now?" We blooped the blooper......God, we suck. As we were filming the brutal axe death, Matt stood over me swinging a pickaxe at me. This went on for about fifteen seconds before he hit my ribs. Not hard mind you, but something is scary about being struck with an axe. The camera continued to roll and I guess we found the situation funny, because when we watched the tape it's me and him laughing as I say "Matt oh my God, you hit me with a fucking axe."
That's worthy of a Booyah Achieved!
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[17 Aug 2005|08:45pm] |
I don't care if you believe or not.
Pray for Tito.
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| Freshman Dance |
[13 Aug 2005|10:10pm] |
Long story short:
We tore up Freshman Dance like Kleenex at a snot party. By the end we had become a kid named Cole's "idols" because we sent six freshman girls over to grind on him.
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| It Takes A Lot To Shock Me........... |
[09 Aug 2005|06:17pm] |
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mood |
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 Pisssssed |
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music |
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Captain Jack - Billy Joel |
] |
So some total idiot named Mark Eynatten (also known as Chandler's Community Services Director) decided in his total ignorance that the one thing missing from Chandler was a ban on breastfeeding in public places. Effective today, women who breastfeed in public are going to be charged with trespassing and indecent exposure. Sadly, Mark was unable to say anything about this matter to the press. Thus I am left to deduce that there is nothing good about him.
Why would you do this? I do not understand and could rant all day on this. So I'll keep it to one arguement:
If public smoking (which is scientifically proven to hurt both the smoker and those who breathe in the unfiltered smoke) is legal, why is public breastfeeding (which hurts nobody and is usedto sustain life within a young one) illegal? If a woman cannot keep her child alive in public because people are afraid of seeing a nipple, why are people so unafraid of dying just so someone can get their nicotine fix?
Essentially Chandler's City Councilmen think like this:
Breasts = Bad
Children Living = Worse
Using A 21st Century Mindset = Worst
Smoking = Good
People Getting Lung Cancer From Second-Hand Smoke (i.e. Christopher Reeve's wife) = Better
Thinking Like A Puritan Tobacco Farmer = Best
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[07 Aug 2005|08:17pm] |
"You're the only thing I'm worried about this year."
-Mr. Duplisses to me on Saturday
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| Best Picture Post Ever (!) |
[02 Aug 2005|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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 Victorious |
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music |
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Old Matterhorn Soundtrack |
] |
You will soon envy how kickass I am.
Last weekend I was in California for the 5th Annual Smith Mother-Son Disneyland Extravaganza. This was different than normal, because on Saturday, July 30th, 2005, my mother and I went on every single ride in Disneyland in 15 hours and 1 minute. This includes the time we took to break for food, bathrooms, fireworks, and beating the living shit out of Asian people who cut us in line and had Totoro backpacks.
( 45 Pictures Await You )
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